In 2019, I was a wide-eyed and bushy-tailed debut author releasing her first book into the wild. A book that had simmered in my head for about five years and then took another year or two to write. At the time, I naively thought I’d write a three-book series about a brotherhood of not-so-angelic angels banished to the mortal realm by Fate, and see what happens. Oops! Not long after that first book hit the shelves, I realised I’d found a passion.
Being a pantser (though, nowadays I sit somewhere between a plotter and pantser!), I started writing my first book with a rough outline of the world, some rules and beliefs (which have written me into a plot hole plenty of times!), and four rough-around-the-edges, tortured heroes. Figuring out what happened in subsequent books was future Cassie’s problem, as I furiously typed away at that first draft. Almost seven years later, with six books published in the Fallen Guardian series, that original world became so much bigger than I ever could’ve imagined. Plus, along the way, side-characters who readers fell hard for (ahem *Cole*) demanded their own story! I probably should have expected that. *forehead slap*
What happened to writing only three books, huh?
Some might think having more books in a series is fantastic, especially when readers devour them. But last year I felt the end. Felt that the series had run its course, and I wanted to wrap it up while it still sparked joy. Although that quickly morphed into a sinking feeling of “what happens when I reach the end”? What happens when I sit down to write that final book and say goodbye to a world that’s been a part of my life for over a decade?
Of course, that led to a freak out where I avoided thinking about that last book and instead, wrote a different one! The thing about avoidance, though, is we can’t do it forever.
Before I even wrote the first line of book one (“Fate was a bitch.”), I knew the series arc would be about a brotherhood of Guardians on a mission to save one of their own. A Fallen brother. A comrade who’d paid the ultimate price (or made the ultimate sacrifice?). And I wanted readers to battle about whether the Guardians should save him. The last thing I expected was for them to fall for this winged dude and constantly ask for his book.
Excuse me. The pressure!
Suddenly, I wasn’t only writing for fun. I wasn’t toying with made-up stories and characters in my head. There were real readers with feelings and expectations! It became a little overwhelming and made me question everything. Will I be able to give this Fallen the story he deserves? Eeek! Will I be able to close all the plot lines my pantsing brain wrote during the past six books? Double eeek!
Will I be able to let these characters go? ….
That one hit hard. Because when I sat down to really figure out why I was so reluctant to write Blaine’s book, I discovered it wasn’t the pressure from readers holding me back. At the heart, it was the grief at saying goodbye to characters that had been with me for so long. This series was my first. Like a first love, it holds a special place in my heart. The series that showed me I could do it. I could be an author, when for most of my life, everyone had told me writing was a hobby, not a career. This series showed me it was okay to have dreams, and it was even more okay to chase them.
This series gave me hope.
Which is the underlying theme in all our stories. Hope. Hope that friends and family are forever. That good will conquer evil. Hope that love will prevail. Because at the end of the day, isn’t that why we love reading romance? It feeds us hope and joy when the world around us falls apart.
But remember when I said we can’t avoid something forever? Now I’m there. Reaching for my blank notebook. This time though, I’m reminding myself that The Fallen Guardians won’t be the only series that sets my soul on fire. It is the series that paved the way for every book I’ll write in the future.
That makes the pressure a little lighter.
Now, I’m putting on my big girl pants and sitting my butt in the chair to enter that world for the last time. To write that book. The one that will tie all those pretty plots together in a lovely glossy, black bow and give our misunderstood Fallen the redemption he deserves.
While I’m at it, I’m also remembering that this story isn’t only closure for my readers. It’s for me, too.
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