Monday, November 21, 2011

Magic Monday - Are you a paranormal groupie?

(a special Magic Monday this week, from Kylie Griffin)

You know you're a paranormal groupie when....

  • ...you can reel off the meanings of an acronyms such as DUF, F&F, UF, SF/F/P, HF, EF, PR, BPS, FU and varying combinations with alacrity
  • …you hear a strange sound and immediately reach for your backpack (which, incidentally, contains a wooden stake, holy water, a hand gun with silver bullets, a communicator, a phaser, a spell book for all occasions, a variety of amulets and lucky charms, an almanac of alternate realities, a handy pocket sized dictionary of demonic languages, a crystal ball with matching tarot cards and a ring of magic keys) and you head straight for the location you last heard it shouting, "Go ahead, make my day, hell-spawn!"
  • ...you think it's normal to open conversations about demons/vampires/shape-shifters/psi-powers/alien races in mixed company
  • ...you understand that “succubus/incubus” have plurals and that they’re “succubi/incubi”
  • ..."Live long and prosper" (accompanied by the traditional hand sign) is your standard farewell
  • …all the clothes you own are variations in the color black
  • ...you've made weapons out of your garden implements...just in case, because the next door neighbour's kid gives new meaning to the word holy terror
  • …when you hear the words “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica, in nomine et virtute Domini Nostri Jesu + Christi…” and realize you aren’t at a baptism or partaking in Holy Communion
  • ...you realize the danger of shouting the expletive phrase “Suck me!” in a nightclub with people with pallid skin and who claim pointed canine teeth are the latest “vamp” trend
  • ...you can reel off every known class of starship from Earth to the Delta Quadrant without drawing breath
  • …the newest release of Keri Arthur/Mel Teshco/Sherrilyn Kenyon/(insert other fav.author) excites you more than sex does
  • ...you wear steel-capped boots, a long leather jacket, and an array of hidden weapons on your person when you step outside your house
  • ...the saying “his/her eyes turned red” can hold so many different meanings (not all of them good)
  • …your significant other plays the opening tunes to Star Trek/The Twilight Zone/Blood Ties/(insert other favourite program here) just to get your attention
  • ...you believe it makes perfect sense to decorate you house with necklaces of garlic, hang mirrors in every room, install fonts of holy water at every entrance, and burn twists of sacred herbs 24/7
  • ...the phrase “TRUST NO ONE” isn’t just an X-Files quote
  • …the word “World Con” has you salivating in 3 seconds flat
  • …an earthquake shakes your house and you dive for cover shouting, "Take cover! The Hellmouth is opening, the Hordes of Baccus begin the Reclamation!" and everyone else looks at you as if you’ve gone mad
  • …you understand exactly what the phrase ‘seduced by an succubus’ means and that it may be less alluring than it sounds
  • ...you find yourself translating magazine articles in waiting rooms (out loud) in fluently Elvish, Pernese or Klingon just to pass the time
  • …you think it’s normal to name your child Buffy, Angel, T'Pol, Tiberius, Acheron, Wrath, Sookie or after various pantheon deities
You know you're a paranormal groupie when...you immediately send this list to other paranormal groupies, here and overseas, realizing that only they will understand!

Can you think of any other signs or symptoms I might have missed? :-)

7 comments:

  1. Okay, Kylie, next time you are planning to use the expression 'go ahead, make my day, hell-spawn' in a post, give us a beverage alert! Giggling to get the coffee, now it's safe...

    Imelda

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  2. And btw, if the hellmouth spewed bacchanals, I'm not sure the high-school kids would have wanted it shut...

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  3. LOL kylie!!! Is this what we can expect when we come knocking on your door?? *g*

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  4. Ahh, Imelda, my apologies for not posting a warning for you! LOL

    Hmm, Mel, you might just have to come knock on my dragon door and see (yes, I do have one on my front door - if you want to see it, go to the Photos page on my website www.kyliegriffin.com ) :-)

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  5. "I'm not guilty of all the charges but maybe 95%. Yours in paranormal groupie-ship."

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  6. Ah, Kylie, thanks for the belly laugh.

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  7. It's good to know we're not alone, Cheryse! LOL

    Your welcome, Eleni! :-)

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